Being in a wheelchair for over 20 years has made the uncommon common
There was a time when I struggled to do the simplest of tasks; getting dressed, opening doors, and going to the bathroom. These are no longer difficult tasks to complete, not because they have gotten easier, but because with time and routine I adapted to the everyday task of living in a wheelchair.
I stopped fighting the thought of being in a wheelchair and the anger that overwhelmed me because I thought I was being punished. I had to redirect the negative energy in my mind to something more useful, so i made my wheelchair my best friend.
Once I came to terms with being in a wheelchair, I realized that I needed to get to know anything and everything about how my wheelchair works and what to takes to maintain it so it stays in tip top shape. One of the hardest obstacles I faced was not knowing how to care for my wheelchair and where to find the help. I knew that if my wheelchair broke down I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t just go out and get a new wheelchair I had to fix it myself.
It was difficult at the start of this chapter in my life because I felt that I was damaged goods and that there would be no way that there could be a light at the end of this tunnel for me. People will always stare and act weird the first time we meet, because it’s different. But the more the uncommon is seen, the faster it becomes the common.
Its easy for me to forget that I have been in a wheelchair for as long as I have. I don’t wake up mad at my situation anymore and I don’t wonder how I’m going to get through a day in a wheelchair.
I decided early in my journey to not let the fear of the unknown take me down. I put the time and the effort in to figure out how I could live a life as normal as possible. By doing this I have been able to find my way and also have seen that I have been given a special gift. A gift that is a painting of my life, that shows the struggles of being in a wheelchair and a man that strives to live his life with a smile on his face. Examples of this are all around us, think of Beethoven composing some of the greatest music while not being able to hear or wow smart Albert Einstein was even though he had dyslexia. They made the uncommon common and this is why they achieved greatness.
My wheelchair has become the common in my life and those around me have witnessed the uncommon disappear. We all are strong in the ability to overcome. The first step is believing that it’s possible.
I smile when I see a stranger watch me in action because what they see is the obstacle in front of me and that there would be no way I could overcome it without assistance. Then they see me jump the curve that has no slope or ride a wheelie down a set of steps without missing a beat, leaving them in amazement.
We all have it in us to make the uncommon common. Today I would encourage you to take an inventory of the obstacles in your life that are holding you back and start looking at them not with anger or with unattainable eyes, but that you commit to focusing on a way around and a change in your routine. Start saying Yes and eliminate No from your vocabulary.Remember the struggle you’re in today will help strengthen you for tomorrow and you will see the uncommon change into the common.
Have you ever reached a point in your life when you felt there was no way out of the deep hole you’ve found yourself in?
I found myself here a long time ago, not by choice, but by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can remember it as if it just happened yesterday. This was the day that my doctor told me I would no longer have the use of my legs. I would be paralyzed for the rest of my life.
Laying in my bed wondering what I was going to do, was the moment when my downward free fall started. Worrying about what the future would look like and worrying about how people would react to me in a wheelchair consumed my mind.
At 18 you don’t ever think this is going to happen to you, you’re in the mind set to explore the world and enjoying your young adult existence. Trying to climb your way out of a hole is never in the plans.
You’re left with 2 options; stay in the darkness and fade away or look for strength in the situation that you find yourself in. I chose the easier of the two; to stay in the dark. The dark drove me mad at the world and everything about it. You know you’re there when you no longer can see the light. Many people use the phrase rock bottom. Once I got to this point I knew that I had to make a change, because I wouldn’t have the energy to fight my way out if I went any deeper. I was tired of the misery of life.
It was my awakening, just enough light got me to find enough strength to fight my way out.
I chose to find strength, it first came from looking at my legs and saying “this isnt going to stop me.” I may not be able to move my legs but I can move my arms and my arms will become my legs. Then I found strength by looking at the people around me and trying to not become a burden them. I wanted to find a way to show the world that my life is not a waste, and that it is worth fighting for.
I want to live.
By changing my attitude every day I started to create steps that formed a ladder, and eventually I could pull myself out of the darkness. While I was in the darkness I found that I was never alone, I was just blinded by my hate and fear, I couldn’t see what was always with me. It doesn’t always work out that you can create your own steps to get out, we must help those that are in the dark, by telling and showing them that they are not alone. There is comfort that can be found, and there is hope, even in the dark.
Sometimes the first step forward is knowing that you’re not alone. Now that I’m not in the darkness any longer, I can still see that there are many that need to find the light. Instead of putting my head down and acting like I don’t realize when people need the light, I commit to open my eyes and acknowledging that I’m here to help. There was a time that I felt that there was no tomorrow because I lost the ability to walk. I was wrong that was the beginning of my life transformation.
Romans 13:11-12
And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Today I encourage those who have escaped the grip of the darkness to not be blind to those who are still in the dark. Help them to see that their salvation is nearer than they think, and that the light will fade the dark away.
Acts 13:47
For this is what the Lord has commanded us:
I have made you a light for the Gentiles,
that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.
I started to feel that the everyday steps I make, in my life, are not made because of joy or passion anymore. My steps were not guided by love. Instead my steps were taken because of need and obligation and clouded by worldly things. Why do I need material stuff to make me feel whole? Are the idols I have put into my life consuming me? Have I traded what sustains me from the inside for what the world says I need to sustain me from the outside? Is this why we tend to live out of our means? Has this taken control of our lives to a point that we start to forget what is important?
God, family, and relationships are what should be important. They are at the core of what will give us joy, and what gives us the full sensation in our hearts. It is only found when God, family and our relationships are part of our lives. Without them we are lost and empty. We search for false idols to fill in the gap and the emptiness in our hearts.
It’s not hard to find, most times it’s right in front of us. But because we’re so busy with our lives we don’t make time to seek it out. We can’t take a minute out of our day to glance at our surrounding and see what we are missing. When the last time you enjoyed the beauty of a sunrise, or you offered a warm hug to someone, just because? God never wanted us to be empty or alone in this big world. That is why he made a man and a woman, as well as animals, and the earth to live on. That full sensation we feel in our hearts is his spirit living inside us. The Holy Spirit. We can easily forget that He’s waiting for the day when we open our eyes and heart.
If God were to come up to you in the streets and ask you, do you love me, how would you answer? Would you say. “Of course I love you God, I go to church every Sunday, I pray every night, and I tithe. Doesn’t those actions show you that I love you?
God would say “No this doesn’t show me you love me, it shows the world.” God wants a relationship with you. He wants you to lay down your life, and to follow what He has commanded, so He can fill the emptiness in your life.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believeth in him would not perish, but have everlasting life” John 3:16
“God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us then we do about ourselves” 1 John 3:20
This year I celebrated 20 years of marriage with my wife. We have created many memories together that show our love for each other. But there’s one memory that stands out to represent her love for me. One day out of the blue she asked me if there was anything she did that bothered me. I had to pause for a minute to make sure it wasn’t a trap. Once I knew it wasn’t a trap and she really wanted to know, I told her a few things that bothered me. Afterwards I felt obligated to ask if there was anything that bothered her about me. She handed me her list that was ten pages long, front to back.
I felt weird after telling her that there are things that bothered me about her, it’s not something I would normally share because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. However, something amazing started to happen, she was trying to not do the things that bothered me anymore.
Why would she do this? It was because she loved me, loved me so much that she wanted to correct her actions. She was willing to change herself for me. When you love someone you change a few habits to show your love and that you’re committed to the relationship. I believe this is what God wants to see in us. Would you be willing to change your life because you know it bothered Him? Can you love Him with all of your heart? Could you give up the worldly stuff, addictions, and your pride?
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” Matthew 16:26
We need to start living our lives, acting like God could walk up to us on the street at any time and ask us do you love me. We need to love our families in the same way. What a beautiful thing this would be for our children to see us love in this way. To see our children mimic how we love would be a start at changing the world. God wants us to be in relationship with each other. Let’s not let the world cloud our eyes with false joy and love that is found in possessions, status, or in any of the idols that we place in front of God’s love. His love is unconditional, unlimited, and complete.
“Your name is permanently engraved in the palms of his hands and no man shall pluck them out” Isaiah 49:16, John 10:28
Remember you can’t worship the Lord if you’re still in love with the world! Remember to Keep Rolling On
Growing up in a house with 5 other siblings sometimes made it difficult for me to feel that I was forgotten or that there wasn’t enough love to go around. It seemed that the only way I received attention was when I got into trouble and I needed to be disciplined.
This is how I got both of my parents to pay attention to me and only me. The sad part of all of this was that the attention that I received came in the form of frustration, disappointment, and anger.
Those weren’t the reactions that I wanted when I felt alone or that I wasn’t loved but they were the reactions I received because of my behavior.
All I was looking for was love, I didn’t want to feel alone, but I didn’t know any other way to get it.
Now that I’m older and am able to look back at these sad and lonely moments in my past and I’m overcome with the task of not letting history repeat itself. My parents did not intentionally make me feel the way I did, they were working hard at making a living and trying to provide for their family.
They just forgot to make the small investments of time that would show me that they loved me. Love doesn’t need to be big to be genuine, it just needs to be found in the small things we do every day. Life has a way of filling our lives with so much stuff that we forget to acknowledge and pay attention to the ones we love. We must work hard at showing our loved ones that they matter.
Here are 5 easy ways to start showing love:
1. AffectionIf seeing is believing touching is knowing. Kisses and hugs show that you are connected.
2. Random surprisesShow up to school to have lunch or to a practice just to watch, this says I love you and am thinking of you.
3. Make time No matter how busy you are, take a small amount of your day to help with homework, ask for help with dinner or just watch a show. The key here is being together.
4. Put an effort in to it Don’t think just because you’re doing the above 3 tasks that it is seen and felt. Remember that the more effort you put in to a gesture of love the more the recipient sees and feels it.
5. Be supportiveEven when mistakes are made, let them know that you’re still there for them. Remember that we learn from their mistakes.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
Be the change, take some time today to offer the gift of your love and kindness to someone, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or stranger. Love is seen in the small thing we do and say every day, so let your actions be seen and the word be heard.
Do you ever get the feeling that life is moving at a high rate of speed and that there is no way to stop or slow down the speed?
There’s no time to catch your breath or refuel your tank, no time to smell the flowers, and no time to enjoy the sun rise or set. There’s only time to get to the place you need to be. We can easily let life turn into a highway that doesn’t have any exit ramps. We can get so caught up going in one direction at a high speed that all we do is follow the car in front of us without taking the time to refuel, rest, or just enjoy the drive. We tell ourselves that we need to travel on the highway so we can get to our destination fast.
Once you arrive at the destination does it feel like you missed out on everything around you because you were so focused on getting there? You forgot to enjoy the journey.
I find myself with these thoughts and I start to think of my age and question what I have achieved with my time in this world. I don’t focus on my accomplishments, I go straight to the things I haven’t done. This thinking usually leads me to try to achieve more on my to-do list and automatically puts me back on the highway, going one direction and fast.
Life doesn’t need to be this way. Why should we miss all of the scenery that life has to offer? We need to stop and ask ourselves this question. If we don’t who will? When we travel fast most of the time we do it alone. We can’t slow down and enjoy looking out the window, we can’t create more off ramps or travel at a slower speed. We are going to fast to pull into a rest area to rest and refuel. If we did do these things we would have less of a chance of feeling empty and that we’ve missed out on something when we reached our destination. Instead we tend to question if the trip was worth it.
Remember that direction is more important than speed. Let’s stop going nowhere fast.
This is a work in progress in my life, I have started off slow with simple things like talking with my wife over coffee before the kids get up and having breakfast with the kids when they do wake up. This has helped me stay connected with my family. When I get to work I try to acknowledge all of my co-workers with a good morning and a smile. I try to vibe an upbeat spirit during the day, even when the day becomes challenging. When I get home from work I try to find ways to help out, like picking up the kids and doing the dishes, and starting dinner. I have noticed that this has helped my wife slow down a little and relax. I have created an off ramp for her to refuel, relax, and enjoy the scenery.
I now see that this is the scenery of my life. I don’t want to miss this because I’m going too fast. The more I do this the easier it is to look back at my life’s achievements and not get that empty feeling that I missed out on life. I know that I will still need to travel on the highway at times but now I look for the off ramps more and take them any chance I can so I don’t miss out on life.
Remember to look for the off ramps and to not get caught in life’s traffic jam. I would love to hear what off ramps you take in life to help you slow down so please share.
