Growing up in a house with 5 other siblings sometimes made it difficult for me to feel that I was forgotten or that there wasn’t enough love to go around. It seemed that the only way I received attention was when I got into trouble and I needed to be disciplined.
This is how I got both of my parents to pay attention to me and only me. The sad part of all of this was that the attention that I received came in the form of frustration, disappointment, and anger.
Those weren’t the reactions that I wanted when I felt alone or that I wasn’t loved but they were the reactions I received because of my behavior.
All I was looking for was love, I didn’t want to feel alone, but I didn’t know any other way to get it.
Now that I’m older and am able to look back at these sad and lonely moments in my past and I’m overcome with the task of not letting history repeat itself. My parents did not intentionally make me feel the way I did, they were working hard at making a living and trying to provide for their family.
They just forgot to make the small investments of time that would show me that they loved me. Love doesn’t need to be big to be genuine, it just needs to be found in the small things we do every day. Life has a way of filling our lives with so much stuff that we forget to acknowledge and pay attention to the ones we love. We must work hard at showing our loved ones that they matter.
Here are 5 easy ways to start showing love:
1. AffectionIf seeing is believing touching is knowing. Kisses and hugs show that you are connected.
2. Random surprisesShow up to school to have lunch or to a practice just to watch, this says I love you and am thinking of you.
3. Make time No matter how busy you are, take a small amount of your day to help with homework, ask for help with dinner or just watch a show. The key here is being together.
4. Put an effort in to it Don’t think just because you’re doing the above 3 tasks that it is seen and felt. Remember that the more effort you put in to a gesture of love the more the recipient sees and feels it.
5. Be supportiveEven when mistakes are made, let them know that you’re still there for them. Remember that we learn from their mistakes.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
Be the change, take some time today to offer the gift of your love and kindness to someone, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or stranger. Love is seen in the small thing we do and say every day, so let your actions be seen and the word be heard.
I participated in a 48 hour challenge in which Jeff Goins from challenged all of his readers to learn something new in 48 hours. The winners of the challenge had the opportunity to win his Art of Work Course. I was determined to win, and I honestly felt deep down in my heart that I would. My heart told me I had a chance at winning because I prayed to God asking how I could become noticed in the blogging and writing community. I wanted to take the course but I didn’t know how I would pay for it.
I was determined.
I decided that I would learn how to shot and edit a video, something I had never done before. Sergio and I talked about making a video for a while but we put it on the bottom of our list. He was going to be the star of the video and we needed to figure out what he was going to say and find the time to shot. As soon as I read the challenge I knew we had to make the video. Other people made art, sold art, wrote e-books, roasted coffee beans, or anything that they wanted to learn in 48 hours. I learned that if you put your mind to something you truly can accomplish anything you want in 48 hours.
I actually did it in about 8 hours because I was out of town for the first day of the challenge and when I arrived at my parents house my dad was doing yard work. I knew I couldn’t interrupt, he values his lawn, and can often be found outside watching the grass grow. I joined in on the yard work but it was very painful for me because the clock was ticking. I knew I could get it done but I needed his participation and I knew how long it would take him to finish his yard work plus admire his lawn after the work was done. Seriously I have seen that man stare at his lawn longer than I have seen him stare at anything else in this world.
Afterwards I made him take a shower and then I prompted him to get in front of my camera and speak! I uploaded the material on my computer and guessed how the editing software should work. I usually learn by trial and error and googling. The longest part of the entire process was waiting for the footage to upload.
About 1 am the program quit unexpectedly and I almost burst into tears. I looked for my video that was one last step away from being completed and I couldn’t find it. I realized that even though it took me hours to edit the first time I would be faster the second time since I already learned how to do it. I was ready and willing to re-do my work at 1 am because I was DETERMINED to finish and I knew in my heart I could be winning something I really wanted. I had faith that I had a chance at winning. I started to make a new video when some feeling inside of me said to check again for the video and I found it!!! I was so grateful to find the video. I uploaded it, shut my laptop and went to sleep for 4 hours. I got up at 5 am to finish the e-mail to go with the video, and the picture on the home page.
This was not a story to say “look at what I can do in a few hours” but instead a motivation of what you can do in a few hours. What are you motivated or determined to do. Try it out this weekend to be able to learn something new in 48 hours, or even in 8 hours. If you lose a little sleep in the process, don’t worry because it will be worth it.
I waited anxiously ALL day for the results of the winners. And right before I went to bed I found out that I won, along with 2 others. I texted my dad and he was excited for me and immediately following the text I got one that read “Can we re-do the video, I think I can be better at speaking” We both knew that it wasn’t either of our best work.
We knew the video wasn’t the kind of quality we wanted people to see, but we knew it was important for me to finish. This week we took more time and re-made that video. We think this one is of better quality and we know that we can only get better with time at speaking, shooting, and editing.
If you already subscribed to our e-mail list you should receive a new e-mail with a link to the updated video. If you haven’t subscribed yet now is the perfect time. Sign up form is here. After you sign up you’ll get to watch Sergio’s Ten Ways to Keep Rolling On, a video for the walking, rolling, sitting, or standing.
Please check out Jeff Goins and read his new book The Art of Work he has inspired me in so many ways and presented me with an amazing opportunity.
Don’t forget to challenge yourself this weekend. Find something you have always wanted to learn how to do, and do it! Tell me about it, I would love to hear what you learned!
Spring is beautiful and so is the day set aside to honor our mothers. Traditionally my Mother’s Day starts off attending church services with my family. Our pastor throughout the years has done an amazing job filling our hearts with what it means to honor our mothers. Usually a gift is given in recognition of all the love and nurturing the mothers have given to their families. I don’t know if Sergio notices the hand squeeze I give almost every year when the pastor talks about what an important role we play in our children’s lives. My prayer is that he never takes that slight squeeze of his hand as a way to ask him, “hey are you listening to the pastor? He is talking about how amazing of am mother I am. Listen to how great I am!” I without a doubt know that Sergio believes me to be an amazing mother because he is great with words of affirmation and always has been. Not a week goes by that he dose not tell me what a great job I do in caring for our children. The squeeze of his hand is one of comfort for him. One to acknowledge the fact that mothers day may be painful for him. To let him know that I have not forgotten the void in his heart.
Sergio lost his mother when he was 23. We had just moved into our first home. Boxes were piled in every room when we received the call. Within minutes we were on the highway headed to the city that had brought him so much trauma. Entering the hospital that he almost lost his life not once, but twice opened so many wounds. In this hospital Sergio’s mother life would not be spared. After watching her heart beat its last beat a part of Sergio left this earth with her. He will forever have a void. Sergio struggled for years talking about his mother and their relationship. It was better to pretend the first couple of years, that because we lived almost three hours away, she just had not had the time to visit. I learned to not bring her death up unless he did. As years passed he has gotten better talking openly about her and her sudden death. Writing our book has made it more comfortable for Sergio to talk and gives him the opportunity to reminisce.
This Mother’s Day I will squeeze his hand as always when it is time to honor our mother as a way to let him know that I will not forget his. To let him know that I understand and appreciate the great effort he puts forth to make this a special day for me. I will hold his hand to show him that I will forever support and encourage him to talk openly or quietly to God about his feelings relating to the loss of his mother. I will hold on to his hand for as long as he needs me to.
On Mother’s Day I would like you to embrace your families and make it a mission to enjoy the beautiful creation God has set before you. Hold your mother close and thank her for all she has done and continues to do for you. Look at those precious gifts that have given you the name mother, but not without prayers for the motherless. Pray for the ones that would love to have that opportunity to sit across from their mother and share something as simple as her smile and her voice. Squeeze the hand of the ones that you know long for one more tender hug from their mother. Hold on to their hand if that is needed. Don’t let go until they do. As I tread through
I have a time or two in my life and when I come back to myself and find who I really am, I am always shocked to find how lost I was.
Losing yourself comes in small slow steps until one day you wake up and realize you are someone you never set out to be. You became the worst version of yourself and are very unsure of how to get yourself back.
I’ve woken up and forgotten who I was and tried to change my ways to be more of myself.
It is like living in a vacuum because I was aware of my not-so-me self, but I still continued to do the things that doesn’t make me, me. It is an out of body experience where the true you is trying to tell the lost you to stop, but the lost you forgot who she is and doesn’t remember how to get back.
I have a lot of these moments when I struggle to get back to the me I really am.
One day I went to church (which admittedly is not a place I attend regularly) and the old me found this other version of me.
Church starts out with worship music played live by the worship team comprised of bass, guitar, piano, drums and singers. There are two monitors to display the lyrics of the songs, allowing the congregation to sing along. But on this particular day when I remembered who I am the lyrics did not appear on the screen.
Some members of the congregation was lost without those lyrics, they could not sing the song if they didn’t know the words.
But not me!
I knew every single word to the song, and it made me remember who I was. I grew up in the church singing and Shout to the Lord was always one of my favorite songs. This part of me that I had lost for so long came rushing back.
Music has an indescribable impact on the human spirit. Part of me wonders if I would have felt so great if the lyrics were on the screen. The lack of the words made me dig deep to remember myself. The girl who loves to sing songs at church.
This is a moment that happened months ago, and I search for that moment when I know I need it. I make myself remember how I felt when I was singing that song, and what that song really means to me. I still struggle and I still don’t admittedly attend church every Sunday but it is something I know I need to work on.
Maybe I wrote this for myself, to remind me who I am and to remind me what being who I am feels like, but I do know that everyone has to feel this way at some point.
Do you ever have those times in your day when you start to reflect on your past and before you know it you venture down the road of regret?
This week I had to dig deep into my past. Sergio, Ashley, and I spent hours this weekend editing our book. We made it a goal to add more details and feelings to reveal a clear picture of our past. Our book is to help connect our past to who we are today. We wowed to open up our hearts as we continue to work on our mission.
As I sat and reflected my mind began to flow freely from one scene to the next. Some of these scenes showed me peace with a clear understanding. Those memories made a smile form on my face. Others showed pain and despair and shocked my system. These memories moved so many emotions within me. The emotions felt as if I was reliving these events today. Even though these particular parts of my past had been so long ago it was apparent that it could drive me to a place of discomfort.
Tears began to grow inside of me and I had to apologize to Ashley while she was helping me through this process. I had to pause to wipe my tears often.
I could feel my chest start to tighten and the regret overtaking my thoughts. The sharp turn that occurred was powerful. Regret was guiding me, questions engulfed me. Could I have made a different choice that would change the course of some of the trauma I experienced?
Could I have listened better to guidance? More and more questions continued to pass in my mind. I was headed to the land of regrets until that still small voice whispered to me to turn back! Turn back to reflecting. Once I could control my emotions I was able to listen to the voice more clearly. I heard that is was okay to reflect on the parts of my life that I would of prayed to have come out differently, but I did not need to regret my past nor did I need to be ashamed of it. My past is what made me the person that I am today. My past is what drives me to be a better person today. Without my past would I know grace at its fullest?
Whenever you start to reflect on your past steer clear of regret. Remember that you are a warrior of your past. You are an over comer that wears a badge of victory.
2 Timothy 4:7 says I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Do you ever get the feeling that life is moving at a high rate of speed and that there is no way to stop or slow down the speed?
There’s no time to catch your breath or refuel your tank, no time to smell the flowers, and no time to enjoy the sun rise or set. There’s only time to get to the place you need to be. We can easily let life turn into a highway that doesn’t have any exit ramps. We can get so caught up going in one direction at a high speed that all we do is follow the car in front of us without taking the time to refuel, rest, or just enjoy the drive. We tell ourselves that we need to travel on the highway so we can get to our destination fast.
Once you arrive at the destination does it feel like you missed out on everything around you because you were so focused on getting there? You forgot to enjoy the journey.
I find myself with these thoughts and I start to think of my age and question what I have achieved with my time in this world. I don’t focus on my accomplishments, I go straight to the things I haven’t done. This thinking usually leads me to try to achieve more on my to-do list and automatically puts me back on the highway, going one direction and fast.
Life doesn’t need to be this way. Why should we miss all of the scenery that life has to offer? We need to stop and ask ourselves this question. If we don’t who will? When we travel fast most of the time we do it alone. We can’t slow down and enjoy looking out the window, we can’t create more off ramps or travel at a slower speed. We are going to fast to pull into a rest area to rest and refuel. If we did do these things we would have less of a chance of feeling empty and that we’ve missed out on something when we reached our destination. Instead we tend to question if the trip was worth it.
Remember that direction is more important than speed. Let’s stop going nowhere fast.
This is a work in progress in my life, I have started off slow with simple things like talking with my wife over coffee before the kids get up and having breakfast with the kids when they do wake up. This has helped me stay connected with my family. When I get to work I try to acknowledge all of my co-workers with a good morning and a smile. I try to vibe an upbeat spirit during the day, even when the day becomes challenging. When I get home from work I try to find ways to help out, like picking up the kids and doing the dishes, and starting dinner. I have noticed that this has helped my wife slow down a little and relax. I have created an off ramp for her to refuel, relax, and enjoy the scenery.
I now see that this is the scenery of my life. I don’t want to miss this because I’m going too fast. The more I do this the easier it is to look back at my life’s achievements and not get that empty feeling that I missed out on life. I know that I will still need to travel on the highway at times but now I look for the off ramps more and take them any chance I can so I don’t miss out on life.
Remember to look for the off ramps and to not get caught in life’s traffic jam. I would love to hear what off ramps you take in life to help you slow down so please share.
