In 1992 my boyfriend, my soulmate was shot several times and left for dead. In 2016 my husband, my best friend lives and “stands” proud. Today in the noise of life we have learned to sit in silence and hear our unspoken love.
When I found out that Sergio was never going to walk again the shock ran deep. I felt an unfamiliar pain. My heart hurt for him and my breath was taken away when the words “His spinal cord has been completely severed,” rolled out of the surgeon’s mouth. Paralyzed.
At 18, Sergio was trying to get his life together to silence the call of the streets. His mistakes were finally seen as such, mistakes. He began to dream of his future and we would smile at his desires to continue community college and truly become a family. I could see a change in him, one with hope and purpose. We were going to make it but then we found out the news, he would be a prisoner to a wheelchair. Why? I couldn’t understand why he had to suffer in this matter. Why had the light finally shone through his darkness in one day be completely turned off? A light switch to his walk, off forever.
The night Sergio became paralyzed was filled with so many emotions, I couldn’t begin to explain all of them. When surrounded by his hurting family I did my best not to break down. Once I was alone I was able to fall completely apart. All by myself I was free to fight my own pain. The thought of him being a victim of such a horrible act of violence ran over and over in my mind. The thought of the condition he was left in created a nightmare of a scene. The words “left for dead” made my body tighten. Why would anyone want to take his life?
In the first few days of his long stay in the hospital I had no words to share but “I love you.” I repeated those words three words over and over again. I needed him to hear me so that he knew I was always going to love him. I didn’t pause to hear him say the words back. I didn’t need that, it didn’t matter to me. I never asked him to tell me the events of the night. I relied on family members and hospital staff to fill me in. I would listen to his answers when others asked him the tough questions. I could not allow myself to look into his eyes and ask if he understood what the doctors has just told us. Most of our time together we stayed away from conversations for doubts, concerns, and uncertainties. We never spoke of his nor my fears. Even in his desperate attempts to close me out of his upside down world we never spoke details of his legs never moving again. Our unspoken love took over and pushed love to show up in our actions. The holding of hands, the placing of checks side by side came often. The gentle rubs on the tops for heads to the many nights of just hearing each other’s heart beat. A reminder that while our hearts carry scars they still beat.
Why were we able to know each other’s thoughts without saying a word? Perhaps it was because we both already knew that no matter what we would survive this day and the days to follow. We both knew that we had already allowed our hearts to blend together as one. They were connected.
Love is unspoken at times, souls talk to each other in trauma. They hear each other in the noise of hurt. They touch in pain.
Today in the noise of life we can sit in silence and hear our unspoken love. Our hearts speak telling us to Keep Rolling On!
When you close your eyes in pain what is your heart saying? Can you hear the heart of your loved ones? Are you able to quiet your mind enough to hear though the noise?