Being in a wheelchair for over 20 years has made the uncommon common
There was a time when I struggled to do the simplest of tasks; getting dressed, opening doors, and going to the bathroom. These are no longer difficult tasks to complete, not because they have gotten easier, but because with time and routine I adapted to the everyday task of living in a wheelchair.
I stopped fighting the thought of being in a wheelchair and the anger that overwhelmed me because I thought I was being punished. I had to redirect the negative energy in my mind to something more useful, so i made my wheelchair my best friend.
Once I came to terms with being in a wheelchair, I realized that I needed to get to know anything and everything about how my wheelchair works and what to takes to maintain it so it stays in tip top shape. One of the hardest obstacles I faced was not knowing how to care for my wheelchair and where to find the help. I knew that if my wheelchair broke down I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t just go out and get a new wheelchair I had to fix it myself.
It was difficult at the start of this chapter in my life because I felt that I was damaged goods and that there would be no way that there could be a light at the end of this tunnel for me. People will always stare and act weird the first time we meet, because it’s different. But the more the uncommon is seen, the faster it becomes the common.
Its easy for me to forget that I have been in a wheelchair for as long as I have. I don’t wake up mad at my situation anymore and I don’t wonder how I’m going to get through a day in a wheelchair.
I decided early in my journey to not let the fear of the unknown take me down. I put the time and the effort in to figure out how I could live a life as normal as possible. By doing this I have been able to find my way and also have seen that I have been given a special gift. A gift that is a painting of my life, that shows the struggles of being in a wheelchair and a man that strives to live his life with a smile on his face. Examples of this are all around us, think of Beethoven composing some of the greatest music while not being able to hear or wow smart Albert Einstein was even though he had dyslexia. They made the uncommon common and this is why they achieved greatness.
My wheelchair has become the common in my life and those around me have witnessed the uncommon disappear. We all are strong in the ability to overcome. The first step is believing that it’s possible.
I smile when I see a stranger watch me in action because what they see is the obstacle in front of me and that there would be no way I could overcome it without assistance. Then they see me jump the curve that has no slope or ride a wheelie down a set of steps without missing a beat, leaving them in amazement.
We all have it in us to make the uncommon common. Today I would encourage you to take an inventory of the obstacles in your life that are holding you back and start looking at them not with anger or with unattainable eyes, but that you commit to focusing on a way around and a change in your routine. Start saying Yes and eliminate No from your vocabulary.Remember the struggle you’re in today will help strengthen you for tomorrow and you will see the uncommon change into the common.
After a 13 hour hike and long ride home I was exhausted to the point where I could’ve fallen asleep standing up. All I could think about was a warm shower and my bed. In the back seat of the car my youngest complained that she was hungry and we had just eaten two hours prior. I didn’t want to take the time to stop and I didn’t want to smell food. Good ol daddy quickly pulled into the closest drive thru to save time and to keep a mommy and a daughter happy.
Once those big brown eyes saw the golden arches and had a bite of a chicken nugget was in her mouth she was happy. I began to relax in the car again and from the back seat I hear her tell her daddy that his slogan is on the red box that once held the nuggets. She was so excited that on one side of the box were the words rolling on.
Sergio and I both smiled that at her age she understands what that means and what we want to share with the world.
Keep Rolling On
I sat the rest of the ride home remembering why I journeyed this hike. Why I pushed my body my mind and my soul to conquer many obstacles. I thought of what my main purpose is.
I want to be a good example to others when it comes to overcoming obstacles. I want to encourage others not to give up. I want to share how my husband continues to push through despite the trauma he faced at a young age. To share how he encourages me by doing the simple everyday routine of getting up for work to provide for his family.
I now see it as simple while others would see it as complicated. He made the choice years ago to work instead of collecting a disability check. He made the choice to push forward to live life to the fullest. Watching him do tasks that are more challenging make me challenge myself. I have watched him build a deck that included a ramp that leads to a paved patio from a seated position. I have witnessed him tear things down and build them up.
Watching him keep rolling on pushes me to keep rolling on. Life has no guarantees and we are not promised that we will be here tomorrow so I encourage you to push through whatever obstacles or goals you may have. Look them straight in the eye and roll right over them. If your slogan was in print how would it read? What would it represent? What is your purpose? Keep Rolling On
I used to think that I was alone in this world. That I was the only person with a particular kind of life.
The only one…
The kind of person who had more than two parents.
The kind of person raised with a wheelchair.
The kind of person raised by teenagers.
The kind of person who was introverted and quiet.
The kind of person with adopted siblings.
The kind of person who had to explain my family members.
I woke up and realized that I am not the only person in any of those categories.
I came across The Wheelchair Mommy and I love her blog. Her kids will get to experience having a parent in a wheelchair, like I did. I can tell that she does not let her wheelchair hinder her life. She embraces it as a part of who she is.I bet her children will grow up and feel the same way about her that I feel about my dad. I am not the only person in this world who was raised by a wheelchair. I love to meet new people who let me know that I am not alone. I am not the only one.
I can only image the number of people in this world raised by teen parents. There is a show about teen moms, it was created to prevent teen pregnancy, however the show depicts that teen parenting does happen. I know that I am not the only one.
Most people I know have more than two parents. Sometimes they use the word step to identify them. I am not the only person in this world who has to describe their family members.
My parents did a talk this year sharing their adoption story and immediately after a high school girl walked up to me and said “my life is just like yours.” It shocked me to know that someone had a life paralleled to mine. She was an only child until she was older and she became a big sister through adoption. She has an understanding that people with adoptive siblings understand. She knows what it is like to play the role of a big sister to people who need so much love in their lives. I am not the only one.
After reading Quiet: the Power of Introverts I know that I am not the only introvert. Some of the post unexpected people are introverts, and introvert does not mean shy or anti-social. After reading the book, I set it down and thought finally someone understands me, I am not the only one.
No matter what you are going through in life or no matter if you think you are the only one that is never the case. You have certain qualities in your life that you can share with someone else. How can you use those unique qualities to reach out to others that have those same unique qualities? You are not alone.
The internet is vast but the more and more we share our lives the more people I find that can relate to me. Sometimes they are people in wheelchairs, and sometimes they are people who grew up quiet, or people who love to write. I love to learn from any person who has experienced the same parts of life that I have. At the end of the day we are all human and that is the simplest, relatable thing we need to communicate with each other. We are not alone.
Have you ever reached a point in your life when you felt there was no way out of the deep hole you’ve found yourself in?
I found myself here a long time ago, not by choice, but by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can remember it as if it just happened yesterday. This was the day that my doctor told me I would no longer have the use of my legs. I would be paralyzed for the rest of my life.
Laying in my bed wondering what I was going to do, was the moment when my downward free fall started. Worrying about what the future would look like and worrying about how people would react to me in a wheelchair consumed my mind.
At 18 you don’t ever think this is going to happen to you, you’re in the mind set to explore the world and enjoying your young adult existence. Trying to climb your way out of a hole is never in the plans.
You’re left with 2 options; stay in the darkness and fade away or look for strength in the situation that you find yourself in. I chose the easier of the two; to stay in the dark. The dark drove me mad at the world and everything about it. You know you’re there when you no longer can see the light. Many people use the phrase rock bottom. Once I got to this point I knew that I had to make a change, because I wouldn’t have the energy to fight my way out if I went any deeper. I was tired of the misery of life.
It was my awakening, just enough light got me to find enough strength to fight my way out.
I chose to find strength, it first came from looking at my legs and saying “this isnt going to stop me.” I may not be able to move my legs but I can move my arms and my arms will become my legs. Then I found strength by looking at the people around me and trying to not become a burden them. I wanted to find a way to show the world that my life is not a waste, and that it is worth fighting for.
I want to live.
By changing my attitude every day I started to create steps that formed a ladder, and eventually I could pull myself out of the darkness. While I was in the darkness I found that I was never alone, I was just blinded by my hate and fear, I couldn’t see what was always with me. It doesn’t always work out that you can create your own steps to get out, we must help those that are in the dark, by telling and showing them that they are not alone. There is comfort that can be found, and there is hope, even in the dark.
Sometimes the first step forward is knowing that you’re not alone. Now that I’m not in the darkness any longer, I can still see that there are many that need to find the light. Instead of putting my head down and acting like I don’t realize when people need the light, I commit to open my eyes and acknowledging that I’m here to help. There was a time that I felt that there was no tomorrow because I lost the ability to walk. I was wrong that was the beginning of my life transformation.
Romans 13:11-12
And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Today I encourage those who have escaped the grip of the darkness to not be blind to those who are still in the dark. Help them to see that their salvation is nearer than they think, and that the light will fade the dark away.
Acts 13:47
For this is what the Lord has commanded us:
I have made you a light for the Gentiles,
that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.
When Sergio lost the ability to walk we also lost the the ability to share certain activities as a couple.
This year as I was running up and down bleachers to prepare to make my fourth trip to the highest peak in the Rocky National Park I became saddened that Sergio couldn’t join me. Longs Peak was one of my greatest accomplishments and it is one of the few that I haven’t been able to share with my husband. I start to travel up this 14,000 foot mountain, at midnight, with only the light attached to my head as my guide. My way up takes me through hours and hours of timber lead by hours and hours of boulders. My fastest time 12 hours. A wheelchair could never travel any of this terrain. Oh how i wished it could. How I wished my biggest fan could see it. He cheers me on and encourages me to climb, even though he cannot.
Most hobbies we have in common. We are attached to each other, enough so that we drive our family members crazy with our unwillingness to be apart. It is hard for us to be away from each other but in the last six years I started to mark items off my bucket list. Some of the goals I had in mind had to be done without my husband. I had written down a list of activities that included obstacles that a wheelchair cannot overcome. I still find ways to include Sergio and always seek his blessing when I want to do something that he cannot do with me.
Sergio and I have overcome so many obstacles and we have experienced so many blessings.
This year as i prepare my legs to do what my husbands cannot I am a little emotional. I don’t usually let these things get to me, but it isn’t only the fact that he can’t do it with me but also about him not having the opportunity to see this mountain with his own eyes.
As I have these thoughts it makes me want to push towards. It takes me to a place of inner strength. It makes me go to fight mode. To fight to get though my bucket list but to also fight to help my husband see all that is beautiful in this world. I can now start to reflect in all the activities that by God’s Grace we are able to enjoy together. How Sergio’s life could have been taken but he is alive and well. I smile at all of our accomplishments, and at all the future has in store for us.
Maybe his wheelchair cannot go up the mountain but I will pave a way for it to go around.
Sergio and I will enjoy taking more walks and rolls together ( hand in hand if we so chose), we will enjoy, swimming, dancing, camping, fishing, DIY projects, dates and many many more dates.
Most import we will enjoying loving each other to the fullest.
Sergio may not get the opportunity to see Longs Peak with his own eyes but he will see it through mine. Yes, wheelchairs can climb mountains through the eyes of their loved ones.
I encourage you to take a long look at your bucket list. This year make a point to mark one item off of it. If it is a tough one to accomplish do it in honor of someone. As you prepare to conquer think of them and that will give you the strength to Keep Rolling On!
I went running with my mom and I was out of breath.
When it was over I was thankful to be back at my house, ready for a shower.
Until I realized I locked my keys inside.
More importantly was that my mom was ready for a shower more than I was. Her hot water heater was broken and she had taken cold showers for the past 3 days. She asked if she could use my shower so she could take a hot one.
We were both locked out of my house.
After 20 long minutes we found a way inside. It involved me squeezing myself through a window and trying to forget my fear of small confined spaces.
I let my mom shower first because she had been complaining for days about cold showers. I wondered if she would use all the hot water and leave me with a cold shower, but I knew she needed it more than I did.
I went to work and I told this story to my co-worker.
He said “Are your parents waiting for a repair man to fix the hot water heater?”
The question took my by surprise. My answer, “Uh, no they are waiting for my dad to fix it.”
I forget that people have professions in fixing things. If something is broken I would never call someone to fix it unless that person is my dad. He has fixed everything in our house growing up. If the hot water heater is broke the only person who can fix it is him. It’s his job.
The hot water heater is in the basement. Fixing it requires him to get out of his wheelchair and to slowly lift his body down each one of the stairs. He doesn’t need any help except for someone to bring his wheelchair down the stairs. He might also need a few tools.
After work I went to his house and the basement door was open, I knew he was down there. The upstairs had a hose leading outside and puddles of water with footprints. I knew those footprints weren’t my dad.
I peaked my head in the basement to see him downstairs in his wheelchair. I say he was in his wheelchair because sometimes he’s on the ground. I hollered “do you need help?”
He yelled back “No your brother is helping me.”
My brother was no where to be seen, but whatever works for them. I left and I knew that in no time they would all have hot water.
I knew that after it was fixed my dad would have to lift his body up each and every step and need someone to bring his wheelchair upstairs for him, but he would get the job done. There was absolutely no reason to hire someone to do it for him.
What kind of a person are you? The hiring type or the do it yourself type? I am personally a little of both. I am the do it myself type, until I can’t do it myself, and then I am the ask a family member to do it for me type. If me or someone I know can’t do it, then it won’t be done.
At what lengths do you go to accomplish a task? Do you take yourself down the stairs carefully one at a time? Do you go into things knowing that they won’t be easy?
If there is something you need to do but it seems daunting just remember to take it one step at a time. Start slow and you’ll get there. You may have to drag your body and maybe you need someone to bring you the tools to accomplish your goal, but with perseverance and a little help you can truly do anything.
Keep Rolling On. Even if it is one step at a time.
