Pictures of me in the past can be hard, that’s because I am not the same person as the woman in those pictures. I usually would not allow many to be taken of me and I would rather be behind the camera. I did this on purpose because I did not want to look at myself in front of a mirror much less pay money for a picture of me to be developed.
In 2006 I started the journey of unhealthy weight gain. Little did I know that once I continued on that journey it would be so hard to fight my way back. It took me getting denied insurance to have a wake up call. I was considered obese due to my weight and height. When the notice came in the mail I told no one, not even Sergio. I was ashamed of myself. After months had passed a co-worker asked me to join her with a personal trainer who recently moved into town.
I honestly didn’t think twice. I knew that I had to do something, I could not continue to buy bigger sized clothing. I came home from work, asked Sergio what he thought, and finally admitted to being denied insurance through tears.
Let me share the funny parts of my story.
The trainer and I set up a time for him to test me. Test me in what? I didn’t ask. I showed up to the testing in flip flops. Really Norah what in the heck did you think he was going to test? I had to go back home and dig out my running shoes and dust them off and return as quickly as possible . I was a little embarrassed.
After my testing, which required me to speed walk on the treadmill, I was told of the date I would start my training. I was ready to go, well I thought I was ready go. The first three days I came home crying. Actually I started to cry once I got in my car. The workouts were so hard that I would threaten to throw up. My trainer would simply put the trash can in front of me.
After a year or more of training the runners in our group starting to talk about running a 5K. I wanted no part of that. I was walking on the treadmill at a 3.5 speed. But of course they all convinced me to sign up for the 5K.
The kicker part of the race was that part of it would be up hill. I had to train on the treadmill by running on an incline. Picture me, the girl who has never played a sport, just learned how to work out, still needed to lose weight, running on an incline. Not a pretty sight. My lungs endured a pain they never experience and I had to push myself to continue.
I finished the training, showed up to the start line thinking oh my goodness what have I done? The hill was harder than I thought it would be and I wanted to give up but something made me push and finish. I was so proud of myself when I crossed the finish line. When it all was said and done I even received a metal and made the newspaper, the truth is there was only four women in my age division but I placed in my first race ever.
Here I am six years later some pounds lighter with 2 half-marathons under my belt along with several 5k and 10k’s. Now I allow people to take pictures of me. I have had tears, set backs, injuries, fears, and doubts but one thing is for sure that thought Christ all things are possible.
We all have struggles in life, many of us have struggles with food and exercise. It is very challenging to realize when you need to make a life change. Set some goals, share your goals with someone, know that you will at times slip away from your your plan, learn to get back on track without beating yourself up, and take one change at time. As I tread through.
The definition of forgiveness is to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
This makes sense when you’re the one giving forgiveness, but I lived on the other side. I was looking to be forgiven.
When I speak of forgiveness I am reminded of all the things I’m most ashamed of. The word forgiveness puts me on the road of regret, making me wish that I hadn’t done the things that I did. When I find myself using this word, I automatically start thinking of what I need to do, in order to fix what I have broken.
I always consider myself the offender. I started to feel this way from a young age. As far back as I can remember, after getting in trouble, I felt that I had let my family and the people around me down and that I was obligated to do what ever it took to correct what I had done wrong.
I struggled to look at myself in the mirror because what I saw was dark and ugly. Forgiveness always equaled out to guilt and then to shame. I walked around with this sick feeling nagging at my head, telling me to do or not to do; my conscience letting me know that it was there.
Like the image of myself looking into a mirror and seeing me on the other side saying the words “you’re an embarrassment, you’re a dumb, you’re getting annoying, and stop being a loser.”
I really never thought about how much these words weighed on me, even if I was the one saying them to myself. I carried the anxiety of not measuring up to the expectations of the world. I carried these emotions until my mid-twenties. Wow I was a mess, no wonder I got it to so much trouble. I was searching for something to show me that I had value, searching for someone to say that they were proud of me, but it took awhile before I could find that.
It took me some time after being baptized to truly understand what God had done for me! He had forgiven me, Sergio Sanchez, not because I had done something wrong to him. No, it was because he loved me. Enough that he gave his only son to save me.
The Holy Spirit started to work on my heart and exposed me to love. The lack of love in my heart was the reason I always felt I needed to be forgiven. I didn’t love myself and because of that I couldn’t forgive anyone or think I was worthy of forgiveness. If there is no love in your heart then the act of forgiveness is just an act. I had to face my demons by looking into the mirror and say “my life is forgiven!” I had to confront myself and find forgiveness from within my heart to free myself. Then the Lord took over.
I had to let God clean up my mirrors, accept His forgiveness, and to accept forgiveness from myself. These days my heart tells me that I am to love people, it tells me that I am to forgive so I can show love, and that I am to help others clean their mirrors. It tells me to do this because the Lord is with me and I am forgiven!
The bible speaks a lot about loving your neighbor, loving others, and loving God. That’s a lot of love if you ask me, especially knowing that love is a choice. And the best part is we can choose to love even if we don’t feel like it . Even when we feel someone doesn’t deserve it, we still can love. The more we start forgiving ourselves, the more our eyes are opened to how much others need the same thing.
We cannot love if we do not love ourselves. We cannot forgive if we do not forgive ourselves. We cannot show grace to others if we can’t recognize that we need grace. And how will we bring hope and healing to others, if we constantly look at ourselves in the mirror and say “I am not worthy”
Remember we don’t have to feel unworthy, we don’t have to feel ashamed, because we are forgiven. God made a choice to forgive us. So today ignore the image on the other side of the mirror and fight to find the love from within your heart and
Today I am a blessed girl who has struggles from time to time trying to find balance. How does one find balance in work, chores, health, quality time with family members, and herself? I have learned so much about myself and faith in the last 10 years of my life. By no means am I saying that my life is now perfect. I can count many blessings but they have come after so many tears. Some of the tears from not relying on God because I thought I could do it all on my own.
Before I learned to have a faith and a personal relationship with God I was off balance. I don’t want you to think that at times I do not still get off balanced but I do want you to believe me when I say that the Only way for me to get back in balance is to simply talk to God. Ask him to revive to me and to help me see what my purpose for the day is. Ask him to take over, take over my heart, my voice, and my time. Ask him to help me put numbers on what is a priority.
I think of all the things I enjoy and all the roles I play for so many, when I am off balance my heart suffers. When I am not relying on the most important relationship everything seems so overwhelming. I don’t conquer my to do list with a clear mind, I don’t communicate well. I start to doubt my ability to parent and doubt weather I can be a godly wife. I enjoy running and the effects of keeping physically active, it keeps my body firm and it gives me energy. However, when I an not balanced I have a hard time lacing up my running shoes. I struggle to make it to the gym.
Without balance I cannot shut my brain off to enjoy any if the hobbies that I love. The joy is gone. When I am not focused on my divine relationship my other relationships struggle. They struggle because I fail to communicate through my heart and I lose my patience quickly. So when I find that I am not moving towards my goals weather they be at work, home,with family or in the gym I have learned how vital it is to just be still talk to my heavenly father asking him to lead me to to place of balance.
What are some ways that you try to remain balanced?
Here I am, the beginning of February. Ashley who is not at all bossy has asked for an update on my New Year’s resolutions. So proud of that girl!
#1 Not allowing dust to get on my bible. Here is the truth. I have opened it several times while in church and I am diligent in taking notes on scripture, even referring to my notes however, I have not spent as much time in the word as I should. I bought two new daily devotions while at the women leadership conference last month and I have not opened them. Can I have 1/3 of a golden star?
#2 Being still. Okay being real here, I have done very well the past few days on this resolution because I was forced to. After all the running around we have been doing I haven’t had the time to be still until I got knocked down. I caught the stomach flu. Three days in bed gave me time to be still and meditate. So I don’t think this really counts? Well kind of…
#3 Motivate, encourage, and inspire others. I am doing great in this resolution. Golden star for me!!! This has been the easiest one because of all the opportunities Sergio and I have had lately in sharing our story. In opening up our lives to others it has created a connection, making people want to share their story with me. God has set up divine appointment for him to use me to encourage others. I have learned that I will never run out of people that need motivation, prayers, encouragement or my shoulder.
So as you can read I have some work to do. I pray that my next update shows some improvement in keeping the dust off my bible and in being still. Oh and God by the way, I do not need the flu again. How are you keeping up with your resolutions? As I Tread through.
Ashley
I don’t think I have been bossy lately, in fact I think I have been the opposite. However, I assume the bossiness would need to be judged by others. In truthfulness not being bossy is hard. Given that Norah has the flu (and she gave it to me) I cut her some slack but she still managed to write this week. That lady is great!
We are still working hard to write our book! So many people ask me when is it going to be done, and I do not have the answer for that. I am often provided with publishing advice, but in reality it is not ready to be read by other eyes then our own. I am sorry if that is a disappointment, but once it is ready I imagine that you will not be disappointed at all that you had to wait so long. I still have a secret writing project that I hope to tell you more about soon.
Saving money. What a bummer. I have not saved any money, but I also have not spent any money on anything other then what I need. Minus lattes. They are kind of expensive but hard to give up. I cannot give them up but I have cut back on them significantly. Why is saving money so hard? I’m still going to try but I might have set myself up for failure because I am in the process of planning two big trips this year which I know will take all my money. I have never had a shopping problem (some may disagree) but I definitely have a traveling problem, but in my eyes is not a problem to have at all! I’d gladly take any money saving advice you have for me!
Sergio
It’s been difficult living up to my new year’s resolutions, I didn’t think that it would be such a challenge to better myself. But it’s been exactly that, a challenge. Time and everyday life seem to pull in the opposite direction of my goals.
My first resolution reading: This is something that I would like to enjoy. I need a way of escaping the everyday thoughts and paths, a getaway of my everyday habits. I have tried to read in a quiet room but it seems to be more of a chore than a pleasure. It could be the books I’ve selected for myself. I am willing to take suggestions on a few good book selections. Please HELP me!
My second weight loss: I have started to change some habits. I have made sure that I eat breakfast every morning so I have gas in the tank to get through the day (this is what my wife says to me every morning.) I make it a point to come home for lunch so I’m not enticed to put anything in my mouth because its quick. I have to say that I do feel a lot better throughout the day. My next step is to get into some rhythm with a workout or some kind of exercise. I have a membership to the gym now I just need to put down the remote and pull out the card. For me to achieve my goal of losing 50 pounds in a year I need to lose 4.166 pounds per month and 1.04 pounds per week. So it’s time to hit the gym. Any workout ideas or exercise ideas would be welcomed.
My third Prayer: I have to say that I have made the best progress here with my growth in faith. I have spent time in the word reading the bible and I have shared what the Lord has put in my heart with others. Whether it be me getting up in front of a crowd and sharing my testimony, or speaking up at work and asking everyone in the building to pray. The best part so far this year has come from my daughter, Gese, wanting to be baptized. She has shared with me why she wants to be baptized and in a few weeks she will be baptized in the same church that me, Norah, and Ashley were baptized in. This will be a day of celebration. Out of all of my resolutions the one I made to pray 4 times a day has been the easiest. I find myself taking to god all the time, anywhere, and anytime. Maybe I need to tell him to kick me in the butt on my other two resolutions.
I have to remember that my improvements begin with ME and that I am a work in progress!
Today I encourage you to just start somewhere on your self-improvement and Keep Rolling On
This weekend I was able to witness my parents speak about their life story at the annual A Caring Pregnancy Resource Center banquet. I was so proud of them. I loved hearing their story not only because I was a part of it but because it really is an amazing how our family came to be. Read Our Story for background information on our family.
Adoption is such a beautiful thing.
I was also able to hear another family’s story of their daughter’s adoption. They were truly an inspiration to anyone longing to have a child. The power of prayer was the biggest part of their story and they can even admit that they knew God was telling them it wasn’t their time just yet. They needed to wait for God’s time and God’s way.
This couple had both been through divorces and went through the adoption process to have a child together. After they were able to adopt their daughter they said something along the lines of “we were all unwanted and we came together as a family because we wanted each other.” That is such a relatable statement, we all at some points have been unwanted, as a friend, as a lover, as a student, a co-worker, but then we find those who want us and we stick by them. We are all searching where we belong and where we belong is always with the people who want us.
I cannot imagine my family any other way. I am always proud that my family is unique. That we each found each other because that was how it was meant to be. Unwanted by one person is never unwanted by all.
I see my siblings and it amazes me how much they are like me. My brother Jason acts like I did at his age and it scares me, but it makes me smile because I know it is because we were raised by the same two people. He has traits instilled in him because of our parents. Seeing that makes me know 100% that we all belong to each other as a family.
Family are always the people who choose you and want you.
I was an only child for 14 years before I became a big sister. I grew up longing for a brother or sister to have as a playmate, but I was in high school when it finally happened. I received the gift of two little brothers at once. Whenever I am around my siblings I turn into a kid. I am never to old to stoop down to their level and engage in an “I know you are but what am I” conversation that never ends.
Being a big sister is one of my favorite parts of life. I am always protective of my siblings and I always hope that they will be okay. That they are just as accepting of their adoption as I am. For now I know they are but it is hard not to worry that at one day they will question our family. I have never for one single second questioned my family or wished that it was any other way. I am the way I am because I was an only child for so long and I am the way I am because I became a sister later in life.
Nothing could make me feel differently.
It was hard to find a picture of the 4 of us. This was my college graduation 2011, they are obviously enthused to be there!
“Adoption is a special kind of love that is shared not by people who are related by blood, but people who are related by love.”
All around the world tonight there are children who do not have a place to call home. Children that for one reason or another do not have a mother or a father who can care for them. Some of these children do not have family members who are suitable to raise them. It is a sad reality. Right now as I am typing pictures are being added to the list of children waiting for their forever family. Sometimes the wait is not long and other times the wait can drag on for years. Some children become of age and never have the opportunity to sit across a dinner table from people they can call family. There will always be that hole in their hearts. A hole that only a family can fill.
I don’t know all there is to know about adoption but I do know that you can give a child a foundation to build on when making the choice to open your hearts. The passion that I show my children will come through as a mama bear fighting for her baby cubs. I will protect my cubs. When times get tough I will always seek the help that they need, I will show them love and I will offer a listening ear when they need to talk. I will answer any and all of their questions to the best of my ability. I will never make them feel that their past is a big black secret that no one can talk about. I will encourage them to talk about their bio parents if that is needed for healing. My children know that if the need to search for the people who created them weighs heavy on their hearts, I will help them. My prayer is that each one of my children will include me in that process. They know that I thank God for them and that my life has been forever changed because of them. I have learned so much about compassion, patience, understating and grace being their mother. I will forever have their backs and I will seek Gods wisdom when making decisions for them that may impact their lives. What I do know about adoption is that it changes you from the inside out.
