I had the opportunity this week to speak in front of a crowd of young teenagers, to share my story and some of the challenges that I faced when I was put into my wheelchair.
I first started off talking about when I was their age and how much I really struggled at that time in my life with who I was. I truly believed that I had nothing good to offer, I felt alone, I felt afraid and I had no one to help me in my struggles.
I told them that I believe all teenagers struggle with some form with these emotions and anxieties, I needed to make sure that they heard out loud that there are more people going through the same kind of struggles everyday. Some of these people we’d call friends, some we only know because they went to the same schools, maybe the same church or live in the same neighborhood. I promised them that we all of us have gone through these struggles and every single one of us and has been forced to learn how to deal with them in their own way or another, some good some bad.
I spoke of how easy it is to get people’s attention now all I have to do is just roll myself into a room and people become curious and want to know why I’m in a wheelchair. Who is this guy? I am Sergio Sanchez the good-looking guy in the wheelchair. My chair makes it hard to be invisible now but it doesn’t mean that it’s changed any of the emotions and anxieties that I still go through and have gone through.
I had no outlet for feeling alone and unworthy, like sports, church youth groups or just a good role model to follow. Instead, I gravitated to the only thing that I know and that was the streets. I learned fast there are certain things that I could never do in front of people when they have decided to go down the road of the streets like crying, show weakness, or showing that somebody ever get the better of you. You’re always put in a position to have to prove that you’re down to do anything and that your not scared. To prove that you are willing to cross the line and take a risk. To prove that no matter how big the person is in front of you that you won’t back down. This was translated into acceptance and respect.
I craved the respect so much that it seemed that I lived in trouble, I was always part of the bad stuff and I gained a reputation for being down, crazy, and a troublemaker. In the eyes of my buddies, and my friends in the streets I felt like I was the man on top of the world. I never felt invisible and I always felt that I had somebody in my corner.
This way of living was why I ended up in a wheelchair. Being Reckless and only caring about how my friends saw me caused me to put myself in bad situations regularly. Situations that had me being shot at or chased by the cops on a regular basis it’s amazing that I’m still alive and it’s amazing that I never made it to prison. But this was only the beginning not the end for me.
When people see me in my wheelchair I can see that their wheels start spinning trying to imagine all the hardships that I have gone through. They want to know how I ended up in my wheelchair, the actions the steps, they want to hear everything. As soon as I let them know that I was shot 6 times their eyes open wide with amazement and unbelief that this could happen to somebody and that they still could be alive but when I tell them I was shot a second time in the back of the head they’re left speechless, there’s no way that this could ever happen to someone and not die.
I let people know that me surviving had nothing to do with anything that I did, but that it had everything to do with the Lord protecting me for something bigger. I am an example of his awesome grace. He looked past my sins and He’s revealed my purpose in life, it is to share my story so that people could see and believe. I want my story to tell a story of hope, of love and of the Lord’s grace. That no one should have to feel that they have to walk this life alone afraid and invisible.
Sergio
The guy in the chair, who lost his ability to walk, but found his mobility through a change in his heart. A change when his mind was awakened by the gift of Purpose.
“And your life will be brighter than the noonday.
Its darkness will be like the morning.” Job11:17
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I like to say that I’m the good looking guy in the wheelchair, a man that always has a smile on his face, and who is filled with life. I’m asked a lot why I’m always smiling and my answer is simple, I’m happy to be alive. It was given to me the day that I made peace with myself, my past, and my chair. Growing up as a teenager into a young man I always had this battle going on inside of me. The battle was all based off the desirability of being good enough, the importance of being smart enough, and the significance in my appearance. As an adolescent going through school I felt like I was invisible and the only way to be seen was to be the kid in the class that was the most disruptive. It worked, I got the attention of all of my classmates but it landed me into the principal’s office and eventually out of school. By the time I turned 18 I had dropped out of school and had been in and out of juvie. I had a reputation for being quite the trouble maker.
I liked hanging out with my friends which a lot of the world would have considered to be the wrong crowd. Maybe they were right because I always found myself in trouble with the law and in dangerous situations. I never imagined that the crowd and my actions would have ever led me into be placed in a wheelchair but this is exactly what happened.
One night hanging out with my buddies I found myself in front of a crowd of guys pounding my chest thinking that I was the Hulk and that I could take all of them on. I usually got this way when I was trying to show how tough I was in front of my friends. I wanted to show them that I wasn’t scared and that maybe I was a little bit crazy. This is the world that I created so I wouldn’t feel invisible anymore. I paid a high price that night for living the life that I had chosen. My actions cost me the use of my legs when 6 bullets travel through my body cutting my spinal cord in two. That night I went from a young man searching for his way in life to a young man that would never walk again and that would be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. All because I had to be Mr. Cool in the presence of my friends.
Being in my chair now for 24 years has taught me a lot. I had to totally reinvent who I was, I couldn’t be the same Sergio that had a reputation for being a troublemaker back in the day. If I was going to survive my chair, my old ways needed to be in the past. I had to make myself vulnerable to change and I started search for something that was going to help me with the feeling of being invisible and unworthy.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the lord your God Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you. Do not fear, I will help you.
As soon as I made the commitment to changes my eyes were open and my savior was revealed. My actions in the past had blinded me so much that I could not see that I always had somebody walking the path with me trying to guide me into the right direction but I just couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear the soft voice telling me that I was worthy and that I wasn’t invisible. Jesus helped me find strength that was buried inside of me, to keep battling on and to use my chair as a tool for his greatness. He planted a seed in me that is grown into a passion to shared with others walking or rolling. That even when the world looks dark and no light can be seen and one feels invisible or unworthy that there is hope. My goal in life is to help others find the strength inside of them, to open them open their eyes and to listen. The Lord is always there with a message for us all.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”
So when people ask me why I’m always smiling, I won’t hesitate to answer because I ama happy man of God and I amstrengthened by his power.
Watch your toes, my dad says to me as his wheelchair wheels towards me. Watch your toes, my dad says as he is trying to get by and I’m in his way.
Watch your toes.
I’ve heard it a millions times. I know to watch my toes, I’ve had them run over before. I was two when my dad became paralyzed, and I grew up learning that my toes always had a potential for being run over. I don’t remember him when he was walking and I find it hard to write about him being in a wheelchair. Not because it’s sad or too painful but because to me it’s normal.
When my dad comes close to running me over I lightly punch him in the arm and say,
“Hey you almost ran me over, don’t make me push you out of your chair!
He laughs and says “Get out of the way!”
We laugh and joke. We both know I would never push him out of his chair unless we were playing tackle football. And I know he doesn’t run me over on purpose but sometimes I am really just in his way.
The wheelchair is just a chair. It isn’t a hindrance. We don’t act like it doesn’t exist, we embrace it. We joke about it when we need to.
Watch your toes my dad would say when I was a little girl. He said the words out of love to protect me. I knew it was more than just watching my toes. I knew what he really meant was that he would do anything for me.
As a little girl he would tell me to watch my toes right before I climbed onto his lap. Sometimes I stood on his lap to reach something up high. When I climbed back down he would tell me to watch my toes.
Watching out for toes can be said in many situations. I have stubbed my toes on doorways, and coffee tables and it hurts far worse than wheelchair tire road rash. Wheelchairs are not the only things that can harm toes.If you live your life worrying about your toes and when they will get run over what kind of a life are you living?
I’ve had my toes stepped on by walking feet and it hurts worse. That does not stop me from hanging around people who at any moment can step on my toes. Getting my toes run over by a wheelchair does not stop me from being around people in wheelchairs, for fear of my toes being run over.
Being in a wheelchair for over 20 years has made the uncommon common
There was a time when I struggled to do the simplest of tasks; getting dressed, opening doors, and going to the bathroom. These are no longer difficult tasks to complete, not because they have gotten easier, but because with time and routine I adapted to the everyday task of living in a wheelchair.
I stopped fighting the thought of being in a wheelchair and the anger that overwhelmed me because I thought I was being punished. I had to redirect the negative energy in my mind to something more useful, so i made my wheelchair my best friend.
Once I came to terms with being in a wheelchair, I realized that I needed to get to know anything and everything about how my wheelchair works and what to takes to maintain it so it stays in tip top shape. One of the hardest obstacles I faced was not knowing how to care for my wheelchair and where to find the help. I knew that if my wheelchair broke down I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t just go out and get a new wheelchair I had to fix it myself.
It was difficult at the start of this chapter in my life because I felt that I was damaged goods and that there would be no way that there could be a light at the end of this tunnel for me. People will always stare and act weird the first time we meet, because it’s different. But the more the uncommon is seen, the faster it becomes the common.
Its easy for me to forget that I have been in a wheelchair for as long as I have. I don’t wake up mad at my situation anymore and I don’t wonder how I’m going to get through a day in a wheelchair.
I decided early in my journey to not let the fear of the unknown take me down. I put the time and the effort in to figure out how I could live a life as normal as possible. By doing this I have been able to find my way and also have seen that I have been given a special gift. A gift that is a painting of my life, that shows the struggles of being in a wheelchair and a man that strives to live his life with a smile on his face. Examples of this are all around us, think of Beethoven composing some of the greatest music while not being able to hear or wow smart Albert Einstein was even though he had dyslexia. They made the uncommon common and this is why they achieved greatness.
My wheelchair has become the common in my life and those around me have witnessed the uncommon disappear. We all are strong in the ability to overcome. The first step is believing that it’s possible.
I smile when I see a stranger watch me in action because what they see is the obstacle in front of me and that there would be no way I could overcome it without assistance. Then they see me jump the curve that has no slope or ride a wheelie down a set of steps without missing a beat, leaving them in amazement.
We all have it in us to make the uncommon common. Today I would encourage you to take an inventory of the obstacles in your life that are holding you back and start looking at them not with anger or with unattainable eyes, but that you commit to focusing on a way around and a change in your routine. Start saying Yes and eliminate No from your vocabulary.Remember the struggle you’re in today will help strengthen you for tomorrow and you will see the uncommon change into the common.
When Sergio lost the ability to walk we also lost the the ability to share certain activities as a couple.
This year as I was running up and down bleachers to prepare to make my fourth trip to the highest peak in the Rocky National Park I became saddened that Sergio couldn’t join me. Longs Peak was one of my greatest accomplishments and it is one of the few that I haven’t been able to share with my husband. I start to travel up this 14,000 foot mountain, at midnight, with only the light attached to my head as my guide. My way up takes me through hours and hours of timber lead by hours and hours of boulders. My fastest time 12 hours. A wheelchair could never travel any of this terrain. Oh how i wished it could. How I wished my biggest fan could see it. He cheers me on and encourages me to climb, even though he cannot.
Most hobbies we have in common. We are attached to each other, enough so that we drive our family members crazy with our unwillingness to be apart. It is hard for us to be away from each other but in the last six years I started to mark items off my bucket list. Some of the goals I had in mind had to be done without my husband. I had written down a list of activities that included obstacles that a wheelchair cannot overcome. I still find ways to include Sergio and always seek his blessing when I want to do something that he cannot do with me.
Sergio and I have overcome so many obstacles and we have experienced so many blessings.
This year as i prepare my legs to do what my husbands cannot I am a little emotional. I don’t usually let these things get to me, but it isn’t only the fact that he can’t do it with me but also about him not having the opportunity to see this mountain with his own eyes.
As I have these thoughts it makes me want to push towards. It takes me to a place of inner strength. It makes me go to fight mode. To fight to get though my bucket list but to also fight to help my husband see all that is beautiful in this world. I can now start to reflect in all the activities that by God’s Grace we are able to enjoy together. How Sergio’s life could have been taken but he is alive and well. I smile at all of our accomplishments, and at all the future has in store for us.
Maybe his wheelchair cannot go up the mountain but I will pave a way for it to go around.
Sergio and I will enjoy taking more walks and rolls together ( hand in hand if we so chose), we will enjoy, swimming, dancing, camping, fishing, DIY projects, dates and many many more dates.
Most import we will enjoying loving each other to the fullest.
Sergio may not get the opportunity to see Longs Peak with his own eyes but he will see it through mine. Yes, wheelchairs can climb mountains through the eyes of their loved ones.
I encourage you to take a long look at your bucket list. This year make a point to mark one item off of it. If it is a tough one to accomplish do it in honor of someone. As you prepare to conquer think of them and that will give you the strength to Keep Rolling On!
I went running with my mom and I was out of breath.
When it was over I was thankful to be back at my house, ready for a shower.
Until I realized I locked my keys inside.
More importantly was that my mom was ready for a shower more than I was. Her hot water heater was broken and she had taken cold showers for the past 3 days. She asked if she could use my shower so she could take a hot one.
We were both locked out of my house.
After 20 long minutes we found a way inside. It involved me squeezing myself through a window and trying to forget my fear of small confined spaces.
I let my mom shower first because she had been complaining for days about cold showers. I wondered if she would use all the hot water and leave me with a cold shower, but I knew she needed it more than I did.
I went to work and I told this story to my co-worker.
He said “Are your parents waiting for a repair man to fix the hot water heater?”
The question took my by surprise. My answer, “Uh, no they are waiting for my dad to fix it.”
I forget that people have professions in fixing things. If something is broken I would never call someone to fix it unless that person is my dad. He has fixed everything in our house growing up. If the hot water heater is broke the only person who can fix it is him. It’s his job.
The hot water heater is in the basement. Fixing it requires him to get out of his wheelchair and to slowly lift his body down each one of the stairs. He doesn’t need any help except for someone to bring his wheelchair down the stairs. He might also need a few tools.
After work I went to his house and the basement door was open, I knew he was down there. The upstairs had a hose leading outside and puddles of water with footprints. I knew those footprints weren’t my dad.
I peaked my head in the basement to see him downstairs in his wheelchair. I say he was in his wheelchair because sometimes he’s on the ground. I hollered “do you need help?”
He yelled back “No your brother is helping me.”
My brother was no where to be seen, but whatever works for them. I left and I knew that in no time they would all have hot water.
I knew that after it was fixed my dad would have to lift his body up each and every step and need someone to bring his wheelchair upstairs for him, but he would get the job done. There was absolutely no reason to hire someone to do it for him.
What kind of a person are you? The hiring type or the do it yourself type? I am personally a little of both. I am the do it myself type, until I can’t do it myself, and then I am the ask a family member to do it for me type. If me or someone I know can’t do it, then it won’t be done.
At what lengths do you go to accomplish a task? Do you take yourself down the stairs carefully one at a time? Do you go into things knowing that they won’t be easy?
If there is something you need to do but it seems daunting just remember to take it one step at a time. Start slow and you’ll get there. You may have to drag your body and maybe you need someone to bring you the tools to accomplish your goal, but with perseverance and a little help you can truly do anything.
Keep Rolling On. Even if it is one step at a time.
