I have spent many, many Valentine’s Days with Sergio. In the summer of 1990 we fell in love and this fall we celebrated our 21st anniversary. I can’t think of a Valentine’s Day that sticks out from all the rest, or one that I would rank as a memorable moment. They have all been very simple and I love that they continue to be.
Sorry ladies, you may not agree with me when I say that I don’t expect much from my husband on this day of Love. Yes I do love gifts and I wouldn’t pass up a date with my husband. I enjoy flowers and I don’t mind a good piece or two of chocolate. I smile when I get cards that Sergio has picked out and has written a personal message in. I am certain that I have each and every card he has ever given me. I cherish the little things. I am a simple girl.
We have 365 days of love
I cherish much more the day to day things that make me know how much I am loved. I don’t share this to brag and I am honest in saying that my relationship with Sergio hasn’t always been this way, we have come a long way. Every day, I say this with all honesty, Sergio professes his love to me verbally. Not a day passes that he doesn’t greet me in the morning with an I love you and he says it again before I close my eyes at night. Sergio and I spend 80% of our mornings talking over coffee. Coffee that he has prepared and placed before me. This quiet time is spent sharing our work week and plans for the coming days. We often laugh together and in times of need we have cried together. Sergio is known to call my office just to say he loves me and I often get text messages filled with loving expressions. He still holds my hand often and will ask me to sit on his lap so that he can embrace me. He tells me often that he believes me to be the most beautiful woman on earth and shares how proud he is of my efforts in whatever goal I am currently working on. He has always been my biggest fan.
I don’t expect much on Valentine’s day because I don’t need to wait to be shown that I am loved. Sergio shows me by the way he adores me and honors God by being a help mate. He never asks me to do anything that he is not willing to help me do. Yes guys listen up. He vacuums, dusts, sweeps, mops, does laundry, cooks and the list goes on and on. He never expects our home to look a certain way and he is not picky at the meals that I place in front of him. When I struggle Sergio invites me to sit in his lap and allows me to cry. Often he will ask me if I want him to pray. When my heart is broken hearing my husband’s conversations with God on my behalf soothes me. Having a husband willing to help me center my heart is better that any Valentine gift. Having a husband that openly shares his love everyday makes a day of Love unnecessary.
We have 365 Days of Love!
Showing each other the we love every day of the year is something that I pray that we are striving to do. I am not suggesting that you skip buying your loved one a gift. I say go ahead and do that. What I am begging of you is to not stop on Valentine’s day, continue expressing your love daily. Showing love every day is the greatest gift you can give. Make it a mission for 365 days this year.
Share with us your plans for Valentine’s Day and how you show your love 365.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
As I worked through my shame a few weeks ago, this week I set to grow with grace. Reflecting on my journey of pregnancy and the birth of my only natural child, always takes me to a deeper understand of love. The kind of love that covers all pain. Not just the love I have for her, but the love our Father has for us. The fears and doubts that I had in the first years of my daughter’s life diminished as I sought for a power bigger than myself.
At the age of thirteen I was in a place that I would have never imagined myself to be, pregnant in the 7th grade. It sounds like some reality TV show, one filled with tons of drama, but it was my reality.
I was a mother at 14
Knowing I was pregnant rocked my already cracked foundation. It all happened so quickly. One day I was hanging with friends singing madonna songs that played on the radio. The next day I was looking at the results of a home pregnancy test. How had this happened to me? How was I ever going to raise a baby?
After I gave birth the relationship that was to last until the end of time fell apart. I was left heartbroken, alone, lost, and in desperate need of guidance. The fears I had made me doubt the little faith I possessed.
I was blessed that God was working in me and through me. Even when I refused to acknowledge it. In time I began to understand that I could not raise her alone. Having Ashley pushed me to rely on faith. Pushed me to protect the person I created.
The first years of my daughter’s life was filled with lessons learned, growth in pains and many, many sleepless nights. As I held her and looked into those big brown eyes I would whisper promises.
I promised her that I would always do my very best in protecting her from evil.
I promised that I would do my very best in making sure her needs were met.
Many nights I would place the palm of my hand gently on her chest so that I could feel it raise and fall, promising to protect her.
I never knew that my life would unfold to where I am today. The tiny baby I held in my arms at 14 would become a beautiful 26 year old lady that I call my best friend. She is the one that encourages me to fight for my dreams. She taught me how to shoot for the stars even in the times when the clouds are thick.
Did I know It would be this way?
Did I know she would be my only natural child?
Did I know our bound as mother and daughter would be this tight?
No.
All I knew was that I had to fight and believe while odds were against us. Today I do not place the palm of my hand on her chest to check if she is breathing, today I look for life in her face. Those big brown eyes make me remember the promises that I would whisper to her. I hope she knows I did my best. Once I held her, life wasn’t about me, it was all about her, and the dreams I had for her.
We have times in our lives when we wonder how we are going to survive. If children are involved we wonder how will we survive without completely ruining them. I know I often struggle with this. The truth is we all have a story and we don’t know how it will end. The promise that I whisper to you is that with faith and searching for the truth you will have the power to keep rolling on.
Have you ever responded to a question and afterwards wished you could have been asked again?
You walk away slightly mad at yourself for not answering in a way that was truthful to who you are today. To add salt to injury when your children’s ears were able to hear, and you prayed that they didn’t see how your body language change suddenly. You want a Do Over!
This was the situation I found myself in this week. I was at the local hardware store with both of my girls. As we were at the check out an older gentleman asked my younger daughter her name and age. He was having a hard time hearing so I repeated what she said and finished by announcing that both the girls were my daughters. He looks at my older daughter with that puzzled look, one that we are used to. He then said, “You didn’t look like you could be old enough to be her mother”. I smiled and told him that I was a very young mother.” To my surprise he asked me how old I was when I had my daughter. In fear of judgment by this older gentleman I said, “Well you don’t want to know,” hoping the conversation was over.
Why did I answer that way? Why was I so afraid to say the age I was when I gave birth to such an amazing daughter. I was so uncomfortable that pain came to the pit of my stomach, more so when I realized that my daughters witnessed this not so proud moment.
The conversation didn’t end. He repeated the question, “Well how old were you?” and my 7 year old belted out, “she was 14” with the kind of matter of fact attitude that I wished I possessed. I nodded in acknowledgment and he simply said, “oh wow.”
I quickly headed to the car ashamed of myself. Not ashamed that I was a mother at 14, ashamed that I did not answer for myself and that my girls had to witness their mother not being the confident person, she usually is.
This encounter kept me up at night evaluating as to why I chose to not answer the question and the conclusion is this. I assume that people in a certain generation would judge me for getting pregnant at such a young age. I assumed that because this was a well known man in my community that he would talk about me. That he would think differently of me. Then the rest of the night I thought about how the conversation sounded to my oldest daughter.
Did she feel as uncomfortable as I did? Not at his question, because that happens all the time. Was she disappointed in my lack of an answer? That is not the way I normally respond. How did I make her feel? After wrestling with my thoughts and torturing myself I finally reminded myself that my actions have spoken louder than my words for a long time now. I needed to give myself some grace. I have raised this girl into a woman and I have done a fine job. I may have been caught off guard and let my fears overtake my voice. I have no place for shame in my life. My girls are proud of me and have no problems letting anyone know how we became the family we are today.
I finally fell asleep armed with the correct response no matter who the asker is.
I was a mother at fourteen and I raised my daughter to be the woman she is today……………… the end. Well not really, it’s just the beginning of more beauty to come.
Lets all stay true to who you are and remember it’s our past that shapes us.
Merry Christmas from our family to yours. May your hearts be filled with peace knowing that no matter where you are His Grace finds you. Our hope is that you are making beautiful memories and that when you wake on Christmas you smile at the thought of our Savior’s birth.
We are spending Christmas at home with our traditional church candlelight service followed by games and soup. On Christmas morning we will have a gift exchange with a big lunch surrounded by family in Yuma. This year we are changing things up, as we plan to travel the day after Christmas from our tiny town to the city of Denver to meet extended family. We have two days full of activities ending with 16 of us storming the theater to watch Star Wars. We are looking forward to having some much needed quality time away from work and chores.
Focusing on our family is how we want to end this year.
Sending you warm thoughts and thank you for your love and support this past year. Please know that we enjoy reading each time you comment on The Wheels of Grace. You have a special place in our hearts. We are blessed as we get ready to enter 2016 with you along side of us.
Share your Christmas plans with us. What traditions do you share with your family? What is a favorite activity that you partake in? We’d love to hear from you.
Keep Rolling on!
Behold I bring good news of great joy that will be for All the people. Luke 2:10
Sometimes I underestimate the impact that Sergio has on others. I simply forget what a lover of people he truly is. He is a great example for me. This week I tried to follow by his example.
The week started with the opportunity of travel. As always I worry about the accessibility of hotels, especially bathrooms. We were traveling out of the country, to Cancún, Mexico, and for a longer time than usual, this created another worry. Will his shoulders hold from all the travel on different terrain than what they are use to? I finally let the worry go and trusted that we would have a great time and that all of Sergio’s needs would be meet.
On our way to board the plane I allowed myself to relax enough to watch how people react to Sergio as he moved around the airport. The stares come almost immediately but so does my husband’s charm to counteract the awkwardness. Not for Sergio’s sake, but for the person staring. I continue to watch as he breaks the exchange with a” Hello how are you?” My reaction is to try and protect him from the glares, he just wants an opportunity to talk to everyone and anyone.
On our trip this happened over and over again. With each stare Sergio took as an invitation for conversation. Within a couple of days he decided to challenge me to a game of let’s make friends while at the poolside. I bravely took on the master of friendship making. This game lasted for three days. With every eye contact he used to gain a smile and with the smile came a conversation that lead to lunch or dinner. I was very quickly losing.
I had to change my strategy or be forced to throw in the white towel. I put on my game face with a smile and started to say hello to everyone I came to contact with. In time I was poolside making new friends. I was learning how a couple had just celebrated their tenth anniversary and how another couple meet on an online site. I learned how many children and grandchild some others had. The game was one that I began to enjoy and in the evening we would laugh as we counted how many new friends we has made. Disagreement came as we battled out which one of us had made the first contact. After the third day Sergio and I agreed that he had won.
I share this with you because I learned a lesson. Simple interactions led to sharing our lives. We all have a story to share. Seek to start conversations by simple smiles and genuine hellos. Thanks Sergio for challenging me in this way. I will work harder to win next time.
Let’s all set out to make a new friend this week. Challenge someone to do the same.
