Being a man that’s lived in a wheelchair for over 20 years I’ve learned a few things. I’ve witnessed and experienced that one can have a successful fulfilling life while still living in a wheelchair.
I find that I am in a good place now, at least the place where I can see that there is a future and my chair does not define my success in life. It only helps me with my mobility. It’s taken many years to fight the battle physically and mentally to get me to the place that I am now. When I’m asked how I felt when I found out I couldn’t walk anymore and more often than not I answer in the short version, by simply saying it was hard. I do this because it’s still hard for me to admit how weak and lost I was at that point of my life. I am here because the Lord worked a miracle in me, he wanted me to share my experiences. So I need to stop with the short, easy version and give the long life changing one. This is how It should sound.
There were many struggles in the beginning that had me question if I would ever have a life that would resemble anything normal. The physical challenges I was faced with were easier to overcome because the goal was simple, get stronger. All I needed to do was work hard, sweat, and not give up. Everyday I could see myself improving with the simple things I could do better everyday. Like moving myself around in my wheelchair and not tipping over and slamming the back of my head, or lifting myself out of bed without paying a visit to the ground, or just getting dressed while wrestling with the dead weight of my lower body as I put my shoes on. The physical part was easier, the hardest was the battle in my head. I had to learn pretty quick in my recovery how to defend myself from myself. My worst enemies were my thoughts. My mind had become its own struggle and its only existence was to remind me everyday of what a waste my life had become. The voice in my head never took a break from telling me that there was no place in the world for a man in wheelchair and that I would probably be alone the rest of my life to live in misery. I was 18 years old, paralyzed for life with no direction to go.
I’ve never thought that there could be other forces working against me trying to kill me from the inside out, but now when I look back that is exactly what was happening and why I need to share the long version of not being able to walk. The battle wasn’t against myself. The battle was against a opponent that came from a dark place that only reveals itself when one finds themselves at their lowest and defenseless. The months that I spent in the hospital trying to recover from my wounds I always felt that I was alone, I wasn’t my opponent was in that room with me. I couldn’t see him, I couldn’t hear, and I couldn’t touch him but he was there. He was waiting for the right moment to attack and destroy me. The time had come for him to start releasing his poison in my head. It came in the form of doubt, sadness, fear, unworthiness and hopelessness. He is known by Demon, Satan, or Devil. His everyday workout was to chip away at my will to live, to make me weak so he could calm my soul as his prize.
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
My greatest lesson in all of this was not overcoming and defeating the devil. It came when I realized that I could not win against him by myself. I was meant to go through these hard times so that my eyes could be opened to the Lord’s power over the devil and so I could be aware that the hold he had on me could be broken. I had to fall to my lowest point in my life so that I could see that God was always there waiting for me with his hands reaching out. I was just blinded. It took me losing the ability to walk to gain clarity on what is important in my life. I need to believe, trust, and have faith in the Lord. So the next time I’m asked how I felt when I found out that I lost the ability to walk, I will give them the long version of how it helped me to find the meaning of life and my purpose.
Life isn’t meant to be perfect we are meant to fail and to fall so He can reveal Himself to us.
Let’s make a commitment today to stop fighting a losing battle and reach out to the hand that’s been waiting to grab it.
I have spent many, many Valentine’s Days with Sergio. In the summer of 1990 we fell in love and this fall we celebrated our 21st anniversary. I can’t think of a Valentine’s Day that sticks out from all the rest, or one that I would rank as a memorable moment. They have all been very simple and I love that they continue to be.
Sorry ladies, you may not agree with me when I say that I don’t expect much from my husband on this day of Love. Yes I do love gifts and I wouldn’t pass up a date with my husband. I enjoy flowers and I don’t mind a good piece or two of chocolate. I smile when I get cards that Sergio has picked out and has written a personal message in. I am certain that I have each and every card he has ever given me. I cherish the little things. I am a simple girl.
We have 365 days of love
I cherish much more the day to day things that make me know how much I am loved. I don’t share this to brag and I am honest in saying that my relationship with Sergio hasn’t always been this way, we have come a long way. Every day, I say this with all honesty, Sergio professes his love to me verbally. Not a day passes that he doesn’t greet me in the morning with an I love you and he says it again before I close my eyes at night. Sergio and I spend 80% of our mornings talking over coffee. Coffee that he has prepared and placed before me. This quiet time is spent sharing our work week and plans for the coming days. We often laugh together and in times of need we have cried together. Sergio is known to call my office just to say he loves me and I often get text messages filled with loving expressions. He still holds my hand often and will ask me to sit on his lap so that he can embrace me. He tells me often that he believes me to be the most beautiful woman on earth and shares how proud he is of my efforts in whatever goal I am currently working on. He has always been my biggest fan.
I don’t expect much on Valentine’s day because I don’t need to wait to be shown that I am loved. Sergio shows me by the way he adores me and honors God by being a help mate. He never asks me to do anything that he is not willing to help me do. Yes guys listen up. He vacuums, dusts, sweeps, mops, does laundry, cooks and the list goes on and on. He never expects our home to look a certain way and he is not picky at the meals that I place in front of him. When I struggle Sergio invites me to sit in his lap and allows me to cry. Often he will ask me if I want him to pray. When my heart is broken hearing my husband’s conversations with God on my behalf soothes me. Having a husband willing to help me center my heart is better that any Valentine gift. Having a husband that openly shares his love everyday makes a day of Love unnecessary.
We have 365 Days of Love!
Showing each other the we love every day of the year is something that I pray that we are striving to do. I am not suggesting that you skip buying your loved one a gift. I say go ahead and do that. What I am begging of you is to not stop on Valentine’s day, continue expressing your love daily. Showing love every day is the greatest gift you can give. Make it a mission for 365 days this year.
Share with us your plans for Valentine’s Day and how you show your love 365.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I wanted to write about my life growing up with teen parents, but the truth is I don’t have much to say. My life has always felt normal and ordinary. I can only talk about the love that my parents gave me every single day. I do not have one negative thing to say about either one of them. I have never fought with my parents. I was never spanked as a child and I was only grounded once. We have always had an open and honest relationship. Maybe that is the one thing that is different in our family. We speak the truth.
I would hear people exclaim over and over to my mom “You’re so young, how do you have a daughter?” I’ve heard it as long as I can remember, but I don’t know that I fully understood what that meant until I was older. I didn’t know right away that my family was special, or different, or that most parents had their children in their 20’s or 30’s, while my parents had me in their teens.
I never had the chance to be ashamed because when I became old enough to realize our age difference, I was proud.
Some people have horror stories of teen parents. Young parents who had a child and their lives didn’t turn out the way they might have wanted. I do not know what the exception is or what the rule is on how children of teenage parents grow up. I have not looked up any studies or any statistics, all I know are the stereotypes that people constantly throw around. The stigmas.
I will not type them out but just think for a moment of the stigmas you hear about young parents and how their children turn out. Think of all the horrible negative things people say about teen parenting.
I’m sure my mom has heard them all. People have said it to her face and said it behind her back.
The time I realized my family was special, I mean really special was when I reached junior high. My mom was invited to tell her story with my class. She stood up and shared her struggles and how she made it through junior high with a baby. I was proud of her for standing up and embracing her story. At that time she was teaching young girls the importance of waiting. She spoke her truth of her life turning out amazing, but at times it was hard being a teen mom. She didn’t want that for me or for any of my classmates.
I knew my mom was speaking truth into myself and my classmates.
My classmates saw me in a different light and I saw my mom in a different light, as the woman people respected for her efforts as a mother. As the woman who fought for me every single day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not proud of her.
The next year my dad was asked to share his story of becoming paralyzed during a school assembly. The entire school saw my dad the way I saw him, as a man who could do anything. He didn’t just speak on becoming paralyzed but rather how he used that struggle to make a normal life for himself, to start a career for himself and for our family.
The world finally knew who my parents were.
This all started back then, when I was in junior high. The start of sharing our story with the world. We didn’t know it then that our lives would lead to this moment. That sharing our story would be our destiny and our dream. At that time my parents shared their story when someone asked, but this time around we seek and ask to share our story.
It does not matter where you were in life, but it matters how you let that effect you in life. Take your unusual situations and turn them into a beautiful story.
As I worked through my shame a few weeks ago, this week I set to grow with grace. Reflecting on my journey of pregnancy and the birth of my only natural child, always takes me to a deeper understand of love. The kind of love that covers all pain. Not just the love I have for her, but the love our Father has for us. The fears and doubts that I had in the first years of my daughter’s life diminished as I sought for a power bigger than myself.
At the age of thirteen I was in a place that I would have never imagined myself to be, pregnant in the 7th grade. It sounds like some reality TV show, one filled with tons of drama, but it was my reality.
I was a mother at 14
Knowing I was pregnant rocked my already cracked foundation. It all happened so quickly. One day I was hanging with friends singing madonna songs that played on the radio. The next day I was looking at the results of a home pregnancy test. How had this happened to me? How was I ever going to raise a baby?
After I gave birth the relationship that was to last until the end of time fell apart. I was left heartbroken, alone, lost, and in desperate need of guidance. The fears I had made me doubt the little faith I possessed.
I was blessed that God was working in me and through me. Even when I refused to acknowledge it. In time I began to understand that I could not raise her alone. Having Ashley pushed me to rely on faith. Pushed me to protect the person I created.
The first years of my daughter’s life was filled with lessons learned, growth in pains and many, many sleepless nights. As I held her and looked into those big brown eyes I would whisper promises.
I promised her that I would always do my very best in protecting her from evil.
I promised that I would do my very best in making sure her needs were met.
Many nights I would place the palm of my hand gently on her chest so that I could feel it raise and fall, promising to protect her.
I never knew that my life would unfold to where I am today. The tiny baby I held in my arms at 14 would become a beautiful 26 year old lady that I call my best friend. She is the one that encourages me to fight for my dreams. She taught me how to shoot for the stars even in the times when the clouds are thick.
Did I know It would be this way?
Did I know she would be my only natural child?
Did I know our bound as mother and daughter would be this tight?
No.
All I knew was that I had to fight and believe while odds were against us. Today I do not place the palm of my hand on her chest to check if she is breathing, today I look for life in her face. Those big brown eyes make me remember the promises that I would whisper to her. I hope she knows I did my best. Once I held her, life wasn’t about me, it was all about her, and the dreams I had for her.
We have times in our lives when we wonder how we are going to survive. If children are involved we wonder how will we survive without completely ruining them. I know I often struggle with this. The truth is we all have a story and we don’t know how it will end. The promise that I whisper to you is that with faith and searching for the truth you will have the power to keep rolling on.
Have you ever experienced or gone through a moment in your life that you knew at that exact second everything that you considered normal was about to change?
This happened to me the day that I met my daughter, Ashley.
The day before we met we were nothing but strangers to each other. She had never seen my face or heard my voice until that day. The reason our paths were crossing was there was a special person in our lives, it happened to be Ashley’s mother and my girlfriend at the time. I was working hard at trying to develop a relationship with Ashley’s mother. This was a critical moment in my life, not only was I trying to create a relationship with someone but I was also trying to make of the mess I had made in my life.
I knew when I started to date Norah that she had a daughter, it wasn’t normal for me to stick around or date a girl that had kid. These kinds of situations always seemed to be too much of a hassle, too much of a problem, and too much to have to work at. Plus we were teenagers, what did we know about becoming a family? But this time things were different, there was something about Norah that kept me coming back. One of the reasons was the sound of her voice when she spoke of Ashley. It sounded like music to my ears. There was a strength, a power, behind each word. They were projected out with a force that could knock a person over. This made it easier to keep an open mind to the possibility of Ashley. I was starving from the lack attention, lack of affection, lack of love and tired of feeling not wanted. Every spoken word about Ashley felt like she was putting a shield of protection around her and a blanket to keep her warm. I wanted someone to speak about me in this way. I needed to meet Ashley. This was strictly prohibited by Norah.
I had this problem about following the rules and doing what I wanted. I made the decision to meet Ashley, this is was the moment that life got real for me. Inside my head I started questioning my thoughts and filling my head with doubt. The kid won’t like you was echoed in my mind over and over. What are you doing, how are you going to help take care of a kid, you couldn’t take care of yourself, what if you let them down you’ll be left alone. I felt shocked, panicked, overwhelmed, I was scared, and not ready for what I was about to do. This would mean big change for me and would require major adjustment on my part. Guilt and anxiety overcame me, but all I wanted to do was knock on the door and met this one year old person named, Ashley. I did it! I walked up to the front door, knocked, and met Ashley. I can’t remember a time I was more scared in my life. But it was worth it, The initial look I got from Norah when she opened the door was surprise, but there was this twinkle in her eye that said what took you so long. And Ashley’s eyes said do you play Barbies?
In an instant everything changed for Norah and I. We did start a relationship that was more than just being friends and buddies. It was the starting point of us becoming a family. All the fears that I had when it came to meeting Ashley were true fears for me. The anxiety I felt when I thought what Ashley would think about me were all false. She never reacted the way I thought she would, not even close. She always welcomed me with arms wide open. All she wanted was attention and somebody to play with, she could care less about all other stuff that we call life. She kept it simple for me which made it easier for me to do the right thing.
Yes, the moment that I met her everything did change, in a way that I can only describe as magical because her smile and her hugs had the ability to take away all of the fears that were trying to keep me away from becoming part of the family. In her eyes I’ve never did anything wrong and I was her hero. The simplicity of her needs, packed a power that kicked down my wall of protection I had built around me. I felt good about myself and I felt good about how she saw me. She ignited my inner spirit with a desire to achieve more and to become a better person.
From the moment that I knocked on her door I was invited into the world of possibilities. A world of what if, by a one year old princess. Today 25 years after she still keeps opening doors of possibilities. She is the author, the boss, and the creator of The Wheels Of Grace. Her mission at this point of life is to guide me and her mother with sharing our life stories of overcoming challenges and survival in the world. The difference now when I knock on the door is she doesn’t ask if I want to play, she asks if I completed my work that she assigned to me.
There are moments in our lives that we can’t miss, some are fast and short but if caught and realized, they could be the key to the door of a world of possibilities.
Today I encourage you to knock on the door of possibility and Keep Rolling On!
Have you ever responded to a question and afterwards wished you could have been asked again?
You walk away slightly mad at yourself for not answering in a way that was truthful to who you are today. To add salt to injury when your children’s ears were able to hear, and you prayed that they didn’t see how your body language change suddenly. You want a Do Over!
This was the situation I found myself in this week. I was at the local hardware store with both of my girls. As we were at the check out an older gentleman asked my younger daughter her name and age. He was having a hard time hearing so I repeated what she said and finished by announcing that both the girls were my daughters. He looks at my older daughter with that puzzled look, one that we are used to. He then said, “You didn’t look like you could be old enough to be her mother”. I smiled and told him that I was a very young mother.” To my surprise he asked me how old I was when I had my daughter. In fear of judgment by this older gentleman I said, “Well you don’t want to know,” hoping the conversation was over.
Why did I answer that way? Why was I so afraid to say the age I was when I gave birth to such an amazing daughter. I was so uncomfortable that pain came to the pit of my stomach, more so when I realized that my daughters witnessed this not so proud moment.
The conversation didn’t end. He repeated the question, “Well how old were you?” and my 7 year old belted out, “she was 14” with the kind of matter of fact attitude that I wished I possessed. I nodded in acknowledgment and he simply said, “oh wow.”
I quickly headed to the car ashamed of myself. Not ashamed that I was a mother at 14, ashamed that I did not answer for myself and that my girls had to witness their mother not being the confident person, she usually is.
This encounter kept me up at night evaluating as to why I chose to not answer the question and the conclusion is this. I assume that people in a certain generation would judge me for getting pregnant at such a young age. I assumed that because this was a well known man in my community that he would talk about me. That he would think differently of me. Then the rest of the night I thought about how the conversation sounded to my oldest daughter.
Did she feel as uncomfortable as I did? Not at his question, because that happens all the time. Was she disappointed in my lack of an answer? That is not the way I normally respond. How did I make her feel? After wrestling with my thoughts and torturing myself I finally reminded myself that my actions have spoken louder than my words for a long time now. I needed to give myself some grace. I have raised this girl into a woman and I have done a fine job. I may have been caught off guard and let my fears overtake my voice. I have no place for shame in my life. My girls are proud of me and have no problems letting anyone know how we became the family we are today.
I finally fell asleep armed with the correct response no matter who the asker is.
I was a mother at fourteen and I raised my daughter to be the woman she is today……………… the end. Well not really, it’s just the beginning of more beauty to come.
Lets all stay true to who you are and remember it’s our past that shapes us.
